Capacity defined (per Google):

ca·pac·i·ty

/kəˈpasədē/

noun

1.  the maximum amount that something can contain.

"the capacity of the refrigerator is 25.1 cubic feet"

2. the amount that something can produce.

"the company aimed to double its product generating capacity"

3. The maximum amount one can handle

“within people it’s the maximum of life that one can handle without assistance”

WHY definitions of Capacity within people: are you a 1, 2 or 3

1. 1’s don’t have enough Capacity to handle their life. 1’s need help because life runs them over.  1’s seek help.  In many circumstances, relationships with 1’s are one sided because they don’t have the Capacity to even be a good friend, family member, nor partner.  They want to be, they just can’t.  1’s are Capacity suckers.  They latch onto people and draw from their Capacity.  Amiables watch out!  They are coming for you.  Capacity 1’s, who themselves are Amiables, will give from their empty cup and rarely get anything in return, not even gratitude.
2. 2’s have just enough Capacity to handle their life.  They typically do not need help; however, they do not have enough Capacity to handle their own lives and to help others. 

3. 3’s have a lot of Capacity. They handle their life with ease.  They have things figured out.  3’s may have resources, they may be resourceful, or both.  Their cup is full and they can give from that full cup.  They live by the motto “make sure to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.”  We hear this statement each and every time our plane prepares for takeoff.  3’s apply this to their daily lives.

So which one are you?  Are you a 1, 2 or a 3?  If you like to rescue people, like to feel needed, or just like to help people, we must understand that we cannot give from an empty cup.  I can hear some of the Analyticals asking “what is this empty cup thing?”  It is a metaphor for how much you take care of yourself.  You take the time to handle your business, manage your appointments, recharge (metaphorically) your batteries, and prioritize things in your life appropriately.  You also get very good at it.  Once your life is handled and your work is done (full cup) you can help others if you have time.  Capacity 3 people are Evolved and have a wholeness about them (more on this in the chapters to follow.)

I don’t know the statistics as I am writing this but if I had to guess I would think Analyticals, Drivers and MT’s have an advantage here.  An Analytical will figure out the best way to accomplish their tasks and increase their ability to do them.  A Driver develops the skills needed to better accomplish their tasks, so both of these personality types should naturally develop more Capacity.  An MT is motivated to get things done, which builds Capacity.

If one tries to give from an empty cup, they feel themselves being drained.  They may also feel used, unappreciated or like they are being taken advantage of.  A giver should not be with a taker because a taker has no limits, and a giver has no boundaries.  Just ask any Aimable to explain what I mean and they will be happy to unload on you.  That is until the Aimable thinks listening to them is making you unhappy, then they will stop.  People giving from an empty cup are helping others before they have their life in order.  Yes, sometimes this is noble; however, this should be an exception and not your normal. 

What is Capacity within people?

The maximum amount someone can handle within their life.  Sometimes you may have enough Capacity to handle your life and other times you don’t.  This even applies to 3’s.  Capacity 3’s have learned to set boundaries when they feel their Capacity levels dropping.  If a 3 gets too much on their plate at one time they will stop helping others, tell people to leave them alone (with or without explanation) and focus on the extra effort it takes to get everything handled.  Once the fire storm has been handled, they can focus on what others are asking of them.  Setting boundaries is key.  Note: having a lot of Capacity and being a Capacity 3 is a way to serve the Need for Significance and Connection.  Significance: people may brag about you and say things like “Sally always has her act together.  Not only does she handle her own stuff, but she handles the ancillary needs of the family (or team/group) and still has time to help other people.  She is a rock star!”  Connection: people may say “Sally is so nice and helpful.  Whenever I need something, Sally just seems to be ready to help.  She is so nice and I really appreciate her!”  If Sally is special to you then you may want to watch her because Sally may never ask for help.  Sally thinks that if she does, she is no longer the rock star or no longer the one who always has her act together.  Remember filling the need for Significance and/or Connection is a NEED.  Sally has a fear that if she asks for help, she will not be revered in the same way.  So one of the behaviors Sally has designed for herself is she will not ask for help. 

Uncertainty requires more Capacity

The highest level of Capacity is an Evolved Capacity 3.  Evolved 3’s do all of the things I just described except they know when it is time to ask for help.  What Sally has to understand is if Sally never asks for help, she is robbing her friends and loved ones of their opportunity to give back to her.  This is unfair and unbalanced.  Give people the opportunity to help you and it will strengthen the relationship.  Don’t be a martyr. 

Analyticals are asking, who is Sally?  I just made Sally up.  Don’t focus on the tree, focus on the forest. 

Varying and situational Capacity levels:

Example of situational Capacity levels: let’s say you share custody of your children 50/50 with their co-parent.  When you don’t have your kids, life is easy and you have a lot of Capacity.  The house stays clean, your animals are cared for, and you have extra time to focus on your work or your social life.  You feel like a (C3) Capacity 3.

However!  When you do have the kids…O…M…G.  The house looks like a bomb went off.  I can’t find the cat, let alone know if he ate today.  There is a smell coming from upstairs that might be lethal and everyone is asking me what is for dinner!  These miniature adults have outnumbered me, they don’t follow the rules, and I think one of them is hiding the cat.  I hope that smell is not the cat but hey, at this point it’s every man for himself!  Insert swear word here.  You feel like a Capacity 1, and can’t handle your life.

First of all, this is perfectly normal.  We need to identify if there are times in our lives when our Capacity changes.  Another great example is an accountant.  In the months before the income tax deadline, they are busy, busy, and more busy.  They have so much work that they cannot handle one more thing in their lives and may be asking family and friends for Capacity.  The day after the tax deadline, they are on vacation to decompress and then their normal Capacity returns.  When this extra draw on our capacity happens you better have resources, or be resourceful, or you are going to have Capacity issues.  In the coming chapters we are going to talk about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to further explain varying Capacity levels based on situations and circumstances.

…End of the Sneak Peek.  There are three more pages in this chapter.  Note:  In other parts of the book I give credit to Tony Robbins for his creation of the Six Basic Humans Needs and to Abraham Maslow for his creation of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  I expand on both of these and tie them into YOUR WHY…